Closer All the Time

New addiction number one:Dell Holiday Frenzy. Holy crap, I just can't stop!

New addiction number two: On the weekend I discovered the peppermint mocha at Starbucks. I had one today after lunch and gulped the whole thing down in a very short period of time. After quickly consuming the giant minty, mocha-y monstrosity, my heart started beating at an alarming rate, I got really warm and I was practically bouncing off the walls... it's no wonder I don't do any drugs! Just imagine how I would react, considering what just a little bit of caffeine did to me!

When I was purchasing the Coffee of Surefire and Terrifying Heart Palpitations, I commented to the girl making my beverage that it was unfortunate that the peppermint mocha is only available during the holiday season, considering it's so yummy. "Oh, it's available year-round" she told me, "it's just not advertised. Starbucks always has the mint. You just can't always get the sprinkles on the top." I was so excited when she shared this very interesting piece of information. But I think I'm in trouble... looks like I may be spending a lot more time dangling from the light-fixtures in a caffeine- induced high...

Loveguns

I'm proud to say that I've had a rather interesting week! Usually, the days pass, I go to work, I go home, whatever. It's good, but it doesn't make for interesting posts!

Anyway, this week I was at the Real Property Institute of Canada workshop from Tuesday to Thursday. I was really lucky because I got to go for free (the three days costs $1200) because I was there volunteering. This consisted of sitting at the registration desk, working powerpoint presentations for speakers and other random tasks. When I wasn't busy, I could sit in on workshops. I also went to all the luncheons and the gala dinner for free! Only problem was, I had to be at the congress centre every morning for 7:00 am, which meant early mornings waking up at 5:30 (gross!)

So I encountered some really intersting people at the conference. At the gala dinner on Wednesday, the keynote speaker was Paul Rosen, a former NHL hopeful. What an amazing man: his leg broke in 14 places during a hockey game and after many surgeries, his leg was amputated. And yet he persevered and ended up playing for Team Canada's paralympic sledge hockey team, who placed first is Torino. He even waved his prosthetic leg in the air! He was truly inspiring, talking about the importance of following your dreams and never giving up. If you'd like to learn more about Rosie you can read his story here.

I also had the opportunity to meet another truly amazing man; Bob Gray. Some people know him as "Backward Bob" and he teaches people how to improve their recall, which helps to remember names, dates, just about anything you want to remember. Anyway, this man has some pretty unique talents: he talks backwards, writes upside down and backwards at the same time, can memorize a 30 digit number and recite it back to you and can name the capital, area and population of every country in the world. And he's an amazing speaker! I highly recommend you check out the videos on his web page . Anyway, I ended up being picked to sit at a little table after his presentation and sell copies of his book on improving rapid recall. Lucky me, he told me to keep a copy for myself and he even signed it for me... backwards, of course!

Not quite related to the conference, I had an interesting run-in with a cabbie. After the gala on Wednesday night, I grabbed a cab to take me home. The driver claimed to have second sight. This was apparently the result of being born in a leather bag (???). He tells me that sometimes in his country, the birthing mother may be placed in a leather bag and therefore he was born from a leather bag and this apparently results in a child with second sight. Sure. Okay, because that makes sense. So anyway, this man (who kept calling me Sweet Nancy) decided to tell me all about myself: I'm shy, I don't always tell people what I'm really feeling because I don't want to hurt their feelings. Well, he got that one right, I mean, how could I tell him that he's a complete nutjob?! And then he told me my future: I'm going to be happy and successful and live in a big house. Could you be any more vague? You know, I have second sight too: I predict he was looking for a big tip...!

Conflicted

So I've been feeling a little melancholy lately. Nothing serious, though. I recently had to make a somewhat difficult decision. My supervisors at the office asked me if I'd want to extend my time at the office (again) and stay on past January. The last time they asked me that question, the answer was pretty easy, I couldn't say no to my first real job. So I stayed. But this time the answer didn't come so easily to me. After all, in staying, I'm not gaining any new experiences as I did the last time I agreed to stay. But it's such a great job, it's what I want to do as a career and the people here are so great. So when someone comes up and askes you to stay, the temptation to say yes is really strong. But what about the rest of my life, outside of work? My family, my friends, my home, Mike who I love and adore... basically my entire life... what am I supposed to do with that? Well, for sure I can't abandon all of that. Impossible.

So was there some way I could have both? You know it: I want it all! I discussed it with some of the people close to me. What if I stayed and commuted back and forth? That would be assuming I got myself a license rather quickly and I stayed in Ottawa for another 6 months until Mike and I bought our house, and then the commuting (more than 3 hours per day) would begin. Could I really deal with that? And for how long? I thought about buying a house in Hawkesbury, right between Montreal and Ottawa. Would I really want to live there? No way: we don't know anyone there, family and friends would be too far away. No need for a lonely existence far away from all the people that are important to us.

But what if Mike left his job and moved to Ottawa so I could pursue my career in the government? Are you kidding me? How selfish do you think I am? That is honestly one option I never took into consideration. After all, Mike is the one settled in a good job that pays well. Of the two of us, he's the one with the future that is certain and well-grounded. Why would I want to make his future uncertain for my job, that may or may not become permanent? If anyone should be moving, it's me. And no this is not what Mike told me, it's what I told him. Obviously, he agreed.

So in the end I had to decline their offer. It was difficult. And I feel kind of stupid declining such a nice offer but I also feel that the longer I stay in Ottawa the harder it will be to leave (I mean, look at the difficulties I'm experiencing now!) and the more I will be putting off actually settling down somewhere and starting a real career and start saving money and all of that important stuff.

I'm mostly just scared. I'm scared of going out into the real world and having to find a real job. I'm scared I won't find a job. I'm scared that I'll never be as happy as I am at my current job. But fear of the unknown is natural, I know that. But everyone else goes through it, so I can do it to.

I'll tell you one thing though, I'm really looking forward to being among friends and family again.